If I Lose Myself (I'll Be By Your Side)
by imademyfangirl
Summary: After sacrificing herself, and dying in Roxas' arms, Xion is sent back in time to before the beginning. Lost and unsure, she uses her limited knowledge of the future to reach her ultimate goal, destroying Organization XIII. However, in the process, events that shouldn't change are altered, and Xion finds herself in quite the predicament. *358/2 DAYS SPOILERS*I DO NOT OWN THE COVER*


A/N: Hello everyone! So this is a story that has been in the making for a very long time. The inspiration hit me a long time ago, but I never quite got around to writing it. But since its summer vacation, I thought I might as well do something productive. This story will be monstrous in length most likely, so be prepared to be in it for the long haul. As of now, it only covers the first Kingdom Hearts game, but in the far future, it may be expanded to cover Kingdom Hearts 2 as well. There will be no pairings (unless inspiration hits me), and little mentions of romance. This story builds on one of my own personal headcanons regarding the existence of Ventus' heart within Sora's. I hope it doesn't get to confusing! Feel free to PM if you have questions. Lastly, updates will be pretty sporadic. Just a warning! I hope you enjoy it!

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Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, or the characters used in this story. I only own parts of the plot. Anything you recognize most likely does not belong to me.

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Warnings: Spoilers for Kingdom Hearts 1, 2 and 358/2 Days, Major Character Death, and mentions of Violence.

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Summary: After sacrificing herself, and dying in Roxas' arms, Xion is sent back in time to before the beginning. Lost and unsure, she uses her limited knowledge of the future to reach her ultimate goal, destroying Organization XIII. However, in the process, events that shouldn't change are altered, and Xion finds herself in quite the predicament.

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The dark portal closed suddenly as Xion fell to her knees, devoid of all energy. She swayed slightly in the twilight shadow of the clock tower, as if she were merely a blade of grass in the wind.

"Who are you… again?" Roxas spoke hesitantly, clutching his head in pain. His voice broke through the overwhelming pain that threatened to consume her, and brought her back to reality.

'He's forgetting me.' Xion thought monotonously as her blue eyes stared unseeingly at the reddish brown stones that paved the ground.

The sound of Roxas' stumbling footsteps thundered loudly in the eerie silence.

"It's weird. I feel like I'm forgetting something really important." Confusion marred his face as he continued slowly towards Xion's resting place.

'You are forgetting something important.' Xion thought as she raised her eyes to his. 'You're forgetting me.'

"You'll be… better off now… Roxas." She spoke haltingly, as though every word she spoke caused her immeasurable pain. She swayed again and collapsed, the energy necessary to keep her upright failing. As she fell, Xion felt as though she were weightless. Roxas quickly caught her prone body before she connected with the stone paved ground that lay beneath her.

Confusion and concern morphed into panic as Roxas reached an epiphany.

"Am I… the one who did this to you?" His crystal blue eyes were clouded with bewilderment and disorientation.

Xion raised her eyes to meet his again as she spoke with as much force as she was able to muster.

"No," Her voice was quiet, laced with agony, yet somehow it still carried across the empty square.

"It was my choice… to go away now." Xion faltered as she tried her hardest to comfort her best friend.

Roxas' confusion only increased with her words. He was unable to grasp her reasoning behind accepting her own death.

She spoke again, answering his undeclared question.

"Better that, than to do nothing…" Xion shivered in place, as her wounds began to take a visible toll on her body. She was struggling with every word she spoke. "…and let Xemnas have his way…"

"I belong with Sora," She mumbled, barely audible, one small tear trickling down her face, as she fully realized that the end was near. The remaining moments of her life ticked away like the second hands on a clock.

"…and now…" She quivered, as she felt her body beginning to deteriorate.

"I am going back… to be with him…" She looked up at Roxas as she spoke, a small reassuring smile forming on her face.

Roxas kneeled, still cradling her in his arms, and he froze in shock. Xion's face contorted in pain once more.

"Roxas…" Xion mumbled, as her eyes became slightly unfocused. "I need you… to do me a favor…"

He snapped his full attention to her, knowing these were her dying words, silently vowing to heed her last wish.

"All those hearts I've captured… Kingdom Hearts…" She spoke slowly, and articulated every syllable, as if each word she said became more and more agonizing than the pervious.

"Set them free." She pleaded, her vision becoming more unclear with each sentence.

Roxas' confusion only mounted as he attempted to comprehend her dying words.

"Kingdom Hearts…" He muttered to himself, as if saying aloud the name would give him the answers he desired. "Free them?" He inquired.

His eyes widened in shock as Xion's body began to crystallize.

A sudden pained gasp emanated from Xion's lips.

"It's too late… for me to undo my mistakes…" She breathed, pain in every syllable. "But you can't let Xemnas… have Kingdom Hearts. You can't." She emphasized. She gave him a pleading look, and a hopeful smile.

"Goodbye… Roxas…" Her words grabbed his attention once more, and blue connected with blue as he deeply searched her eyes for an answer.

His blonde eyebrows furrowed in contemplation.

"See you again…" Xion's voice cracked on the last syllable, and tears streamed down her face, from both immense pain and unbearable sadness.

"I'm glad… I got to meet you." As she spoke, her gaze drifted to the clock tower that loomed above them both. She began remembering her best memories, the ones full of happiness and life. She spoke a second time. "Oh, and of course, Axel too…"

Xion's hand reached up to cup Roxas' cheek. Her voice trembled as she spoke the next words.

"You are both my best friends. Never forget, that's the truth." Her eyes, drifting in and out of focus, expressed so much more than words ever could.

Her hand slipped from its place, and her eyes began to close. It dawned on Roxas that this would be the last time he would ever see her.

Sapphire eyes wide, he grabbed her hand, and clutched onto it like a drowning man lost in an ocean of emotion.

"No!" He choked out. "Xion! Who else will I have ice-cream with?"

Xion's vision faded to black, her body beginning to crystallize and dissipate. She thought to herself, 'Roxas, when we meet again, we'll have ice-cream together again. I know it. Just wait for me."

As life began to slip from her grasp, a small smile graced the black haired girl's lips, and everything went dark.

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The sound of waves crashing against the shore was the first thing Xion became consciously aware of.

'Where… am I?' Xion thought groggily. Distantly, she could feel salt water seeping through her coat, and sand dusting her face. She groaned slightly, as the pain from her injuries cut through her foggy mind like a knife, roughly jerking her back to reality.

Faintly, she could hear the voices of two boys, one yelling at the other, but she was unable to decipher their words.

She groaned again, and sat up on her knees. Opening her eyes, she quickly shut them due to the blinding reflection of the sun off the sand. Opening them once again, more slowly this time, she allowed her eyes to adjust to the brightness. As they grew accustomed to the light, she saw a brownish blur sprint towards her.

The blur stopped a few feet from where she kneeled, and spoke to her.

"Hi! My name is Sora! Who are you?"

Xion's eyes began to focus, and she found herself face to face with someone eerily familiar.

"What the hell?" She whispered, and for the second time that day, everything went dark.

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A/N Lemme know what you think! Thanks for reading!


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